You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize