I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There r osticjed everywhere
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
