Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didn't notice because vodka
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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