brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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