I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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