I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
