she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
