he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
