So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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