so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
