Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize