I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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