My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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