I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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