She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
