K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
