Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize