I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
