Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
