I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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