Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
