We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
