he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
