Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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