Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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