just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
