then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
