I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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