Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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