tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
