Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
