when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
