Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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