party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Randomize
