my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
