my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize