For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
