Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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