Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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