And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
