I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
