If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
