I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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