I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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