thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
