Are we in a gay sports bar?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
