dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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