Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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