Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
