I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
