but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
