My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
