I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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