If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize