escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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