just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
