I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You pole danced in your parka.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize