how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
