i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
