You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
