There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
