Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
